Sending stuff regularly to you is kinda one of my quirks at the moment, I can’t really explain it, but basically every time I try to stray from this routine my mind goes all haywire and my chest gets all tight and stuff, just like the times I used to ask you whether you were okay or not, for no reason whatsoever (though as I recall it, the answer you gave me never was a yes). I guess I’m just hardwired to do something completely insane at times, even if it means driving a certain person crazy, and even if that certain person just so happened to be you.
All in all, my first impression of you was pretty average. Girl, short, monitor. That was kind of it, nothing else, another plain Jane with an academic track record that was basically spotless. In the end, stuff happened, and all my misconceptions went down the drain. I thought you were different from the rest of the girls; honestly most of them made my hair stand on end, but being around you made me feel warm and fuzzy. I honestly believe you cared, even if at times you used to wish the whole world just went to hell, heck most of the time you wished I went to hell. I honestly believed you cared, about the people around you, and even for those you’ve never met before. I used to see you make these cards for people when we were still buds, and man did those little buggers impress me. And yeah, I know you had a hard time with us boys, with the most of us rebelling your discipline regime and all, but to be honest, you scared the crap out of all of us, we were just too stubborn to admit it.
And so I thought, for all its worth, I’ll start a conversation with you, and in the end I did, though back then I was still too shy to do it head on (I still am, by the way). It turned out okay, I even tried a few tricks of the trade, which *ahem* didn’t work out so well. And around that time I started to notice you more, your bob of hair with your fringe always swept to the side, your sentences which always happen to have a little Japanese in it, the works... And you were also pretty moody, and boy could I never forget the time you threw a tantrum in class. It was shocking, to say the least. Seeing you storm out of class, fists clenched. Yeah, and me and Ray Vern laughed all the way till the end.
The events after that started to get a little fuzzy though. How I got to be monitor, I have absolutely no idea, all I remember was taking your file home, cuz you got so mad you decided to leave it with me, and then calling you. After approximately a day or two, wham. Insta-promotion, and that’s how it all began. And the moments before when I acted as if I could handle the job, it was all a big joke, frankly me and RV were big on jokes back then.
Things started to get personal after the TBC, and well, what happened in the following months were pretty doggone interesting. Highlights of my life? Probably. Was it love? Um....to me it was pretty dang close. I guess it was more of a counselling kinda thing, where at times you’d be my shrink, and at times I’d be yours. Felt pretty great to know that at least I had someone to go to when things started to go to hell. Did we talk much face to face? Admittedly, no. Other than asking you if you were okay, of course. I guess I was too embarrassed to ask you what happened the night before, and you didn’t mention anything either so I thought it was some kinda mutual agreement that these things were not to be discussed.
I see you walking my way, and it takes every cell in my body to stop me from waving to you with a crooked smile plastered on, because I have to remind myself that I’m not actually welcome anymore, and that for the most part, you probably won’t want me waving at you. And every time you stare in my general direction, even if it’s mile away from actually staring at me, I’d have to steer clear of your eyes, drop everything, and go do something else, because I’m utterly afraid, that if I stare into those jet black eyes of yours I’d no longer feel the warmth in them, only the cold piercing stare and the nostalgic sense of longing that fills me with dread. Maybe I’m over exaggerating a little bit, but all I know is, ever since you left, things have been kinda messed up, and yeah, i miss talking to you, more than ever.
